Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Single Word

A few weeks ago I made it official.  I chose my word for 2014.  I was not looking for a word when this happened.  The word Grace has been an ever present word in my life the last month or so.  I realize it is not something that comes easy for me.  It is not something I easily give myself or others at all.  That seems so odd because all that it encompasses is the exact opposite of me allowing it in.  All the more reason for this word to have actually chosen me for 2014.

When I think of Grace I think of...
Finding Beauty 
Being content in the present.
Less judgement
Listening and actually HEARING with my heart.
Letting go with love.
Embracing change
Taking time to act on my good intentions.

These are all things I struggle with tremendously.  First regarding how I feel about myself and in turn the way it all plays out in my life with family and friends.  For whatever reason it has been as clear as possible the last few weeks. 

I guess that this is a resolution even though I like to say I don't do resolutions.  I plan to love, embace and accept the changes that finding GRACE will bring into my life. 
Here's to really letting go of 2013 and finding the heart in myself to allow all that is good to fill me up. 


Monday, December 16, 2013

My New Personal Blog... Barbed Wire and Grace

Welcome to my new blog!  
For quite a while now I have wanted a fresh blog start.
a place of my own,to write what I want
with no rules or expectations. 
I have needed a place that has no history even though I loved my time with the superwoman spirit I have grown, 
things have changed. 
So it is time.

Yesterday I went for a ride on the farm with my husband.
We fed the cows and rode around the farm.  I realized a few things while doing this. 
It has been years since I went with him.
I miss it terribly.
It made me question where the hell have I been?  
The cows get fed daily, the farm is the same as it has been for 16 years, my husband is the same, my children are the same.  Nothing had changed about all of the things that I love except for me.  I have become to busy, 
to focused on other things,
 I just stopped seeing. 
Something I have never shared on my other blog or my facebook is I struggle with major depression issues. 
This past year more than ever. 
This last month has been by far the worst month I have ever experienced with depression, forcing me to find help.  
I am working through it and today is a good day.  
On these days I see what is helpful for me and writing with horrible grammar and spelling makes me happy.  

Here I am at 41 feeling like 
I truly need to find out who I am. 
I am learning, it is good and bad.  Things have come up from my past that I forgotten about or possibly blocked.  
It's a strange process.   
Scary but freeing as well.  
I know where I have been.  Lost, in myself, in my own misery and in expectations that myself and others have put on me.  

This is where Barbed Wire and Grace comes from...
A farm that I love, my desire to be my true self, my past,my present and seeing the grace in it all day by day with hope for a beautiful future.  

XO Shannon