Monday, December 16, 2013

My New Personal Blog... Barbed Wire and Grace

Welcome to my new blog!  
For quite a while now I have wanted a fresh blog start.
a place of my own,to write what I want
with no rules or expectations. 
I have needed a place that has no history even though I loved my time with the superwoman spirit I have grown, 
things have changed. 
So it is time.

Yesterday I went for a ride on the farm with my husband.
We fed the cows and rode around the farm.  I realized a few things while doing this. 
It has been years since I went with him.
I miss it terribly.
It made me question where the hell have I been?  
The cows get fed daily, the farm is the same as it has been for 16 years, my husband is the same, my children are the same.  Nothing had changed about all of the things that I love except for me.  I have become to busy, 
to focused on other things,
 I just stopped seeing. 
Something I have never shared on my other blog or my facebook is I struggle with major depression issues. 
This past year more than ever. 
This last month has been by far the worst month I have ever experienced with depression, forcing me to find help.  
I am working through it and today is a good day.  
On these days I see what is helpful for me and writing with horrible grammar and spelling makes me happy.  

Here I am at 41 feeling like 
I truly need to find out who I am. 
I am learning, it is good and bad.  Things have come up from my past that I forgotten about or possibly blocked.  
It's a strange process.   
Scary but freeing as well.  
I know where I have been.  Lost, in myself, in my own misery and in expectations that myself and others have put on me.  

This is where Barbed Wire and Grace comes from...
A farm that I love, my desire to be my true self, my past,my present and seeing the grace in it all day by day with hope for a beautiful future.  

XO Shannon